Love is definitely in the air as wedding season has already started. I was packing for my trip to a friend's wedding in Manitoba when I got the news that another friend was engaged. Yet another pair of our friends had also gotten married during the spring. It seemed like that time of my life was beginning where everyone around me was getting married and it brings me such joy! I do enjoy seeing couples in love and it makes me snuggle my partner that much more.

This month I got to fly out with my partner to one of his best friend's wedding in Winnipeg, MB. This was my partner's college stomping grounds and a part of Canada I had never visited, so I was super excited. I also finally got to meet all of his college friends in person instead of over voice-chat while we all played video games together. There was some mingling and sight-seeing before the wedding, and I truly loved it all. Winnipeg was not how I expected it to be at all, far more historical and artsy than I was lead to believe, and the families of the bride and groom were super friendly and welcoming.

When the day of the wedding arrived, I even felt nervous. It was a big event, I think there were over 300 people attending. My partner was in the bridal party so he had extra duties to attend to and I had to be on my own during the ceremony. This was fine as since the wedding as in a Catholic church, I got to spend some time reconnecting with my spiritual side as while I'm agnostic that doesn't mean I'm totally against having faith. I was also raised with Christian values since my father was Catholic so I felt comfortable in the space. The only awkward parts for me were following along during the ceremony as the guests would sing hymns and recite prayers, I did my best to keep up despite not knowing the verses very well. It was such a beautiful ceremony and watching our friend and his lovely bride get married moved me to tears. The bride was stunning and witnessing how much they both loved each other made my heart swell.

Afterwards there was a short break for pictures and then it was off to the hall for the reception. I sat amongst strangers, but we had delightful conversations about the surprisingly good food (steak AND chicken on the same plate, I felt spoiled!) and how we got to know the couple. There were speeches and family concerts (the groom came from a very musical family) to begin the night, as well as a slideshow of pictures of the couple from when they were kids. I even helped operate a computer at one point during someone's speech as there was a lot going on all at once.

After the formal part of the reception was over, the dancing begun and I got to reunite with my partner. We danced, chatted with friends and enjoyed the open bar. It was a lively evening and I had so much fun. I can only hope that one day when I get married that I can have such a wonderful time too. If this is the beginning of a long line of weddings and celebrations of love in my life, I welcome it all with open arms.

Dana~


"What was it like when all your friends started to get married? Did you enjoy the celebrations? Do you even like weddings? What was the funniest thing you saw at a wedding? Tell me all your stories in the comments below!"

My skin has slowly recovered from my last foray into cleansing products but it took almost a month of just plain water washing to get it there. The stress from my move did not help, and let's just say it's time to tackle my acne once more.

Now after the issues I had with heavy duty cleansers like Neutrogena and OXY, I figured it was time to try something a little more natural and if I was going to go that route why not turn to a great local company? Of course, my choice was going to be Lush. Since I moved to Burnaby a couple months back, I've been spending more and more time at Metropolis at Metrotown. This means I end up passing by the beautiful smelling Lush store on the regular and it's really hard not to follow those lovely scents into the shop. Well, about a month I go I ventured into the Lush store and decided to ask for some help finding a skincare routine to deal with my acne.

One of the lovely ladies in the soap section happily sat down with me and demonstrated several products for me. We went over my needs and she showed me a variety of things that could help. I also ended up a learning a thing or two about what my previous routines have been lacking. Turns out, moisturizer is a thing. Also, it should be used daily. I felt a little hesitant (oh, god the oil slicks!), but I was assured that moisturizer is necessary for every skin type.

Anyways, at the end I walked away with a bar of Coalface, a pot of Kalamazoo, a pot of Enzymion, a pot of Dark Angels, a tub of Cup O' Coffee, a tall bottle of Tea Tree Water and a little bottle of Grease Lighting. This was an expensive trip, but I felt determined at this point. I had a whole routine and it was supposedly much better for my skin than the harsher drugstore products.

Now this routine was a bit complex for me, the person who balks at washing her face twice a day. So a typical day in the life of this routine was a bit long. In the morning, I'd wash my face with Kalamazoo and put on the moisturizer Enzymion afterwards. If I showered, I would put Cup O' Coffee on for 15 minutes prior to getting into the shower. If it was the end of the week, I would skip Cup O' Coffee and instead use Dark Angel in the shower and let it sit while I washed my hair.  If at any point during the day I felt oily, I was to spritz some Tea Tree Water on and let that sit on my face while dabbing anything that dripped off my chin with a tissue.  At night, I was supposed to wash my face using the Coalface bar. Afterwards, I would then apply Grease Lightning to any spots on my face.

Did that seem like a lot to you? It certainly felt like a lot to me. I gave up on Cup O' Coffee within about a week. Showering was already a chore for me as the warm water and standing were painful due to my fibromyalgia, so working up to having a shower finally and then having to wait another 15 minutes was just not worth it. The Tea Tree Water also fell to the wayside. It felt a little gimmicky and I didn't really enjoy sitting around with a wet face.

Overall though, I really liked the face washing routine. Kalamazoo in the morning, followed by Enzymion and Coalface at night followed by Grease Lighting seemed to be working. My acne was lessening and I noticed my pores felt a little tighter, maybe even smaller.  The Enzymion and Kalamazoo smell amazing and I loved smelling citrus-y in the morning. My partner loved the scent too. Using the Coalface bar was a strange experience, I didn't like the scent (I mean, who likes black licorice anyway?) and it was strange to actually rub my face with a bar of soap. The Grease Lighting though was the fun part because after about five minutes it felt like my face skin had been clamped with clothes pins on either side. It was quite the silly feeling, but I think the night routine as a whole was having the biggest impact on my acne.

I'll give this Lush routine a 7/10 for now. I'm going to continue using it over the summer and I'll post an update as part four of this series.

Dana~

I know I'm a little old to be moving out for the first time, (and if you count my time in England, this is actually my second move) but I feel like everything's going to change and I'm both excited and a little scared.

I can totally do this. Paying bills, grocery shopping by myself and all that jazz isn't a problem; I've done that. The packing and moving of furniture, with the help of friends and family, also isn't the hard part. I think leaving my parents home for, what I assume will be, good is a bit scary. I love them to death, and being apart from them while abroad was really hard. They are my support system and I worry about them a lot. Coming downstairs to tell my parents something new I learned or to discuss the news I just read was something I really enjoyed. Dinners where we all sat down and watched a movie on demand or holidays where we decorated to the nines are some of my best memories. The thought of giving that up hurts.

To be fair though, I'm not giving it all up really. I still get to see my parents a couple times a week as we're only a half-hour's drive apart. I can call and talk to them whenever as well. We can go over to each other's house for coffee and tea. We can still visit for holidays. Somewhere deep down though, I know it won't be the same. However, that's okay. I'm moving on into a new chapter in my life. I'm moving in with my partner and a group of friends closer to the city than I've ever been. The SkyTrain is almost on my doorstep and I can now do things my way instead of the method my family prefers. There's a lot more freedom in this new chapter and with it comes more opportunities for discovering new quirks about myself. I get to grow and develop in new directions that I never even considered.

This will be a good change for me, but I'll still always miss and be grateful to my Mom and Dad.

After my initial test of washing my face with water, I decided it was time to move onto the tried and true methods. For my next test, I wanted to try out a routine that I was familiar with as a teenager. Ooh, can't you just smell the salicylic acid already? Yes, that's right I tried Neutrogena and OXY. Most specifically, I used Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne Wash Cleansing Cloths and OXY Deep Cleaning Medicated Acne Pads.

Now, the Neutrogena cloths I remember using as a kid because my mom bought them to help clean up my acne. They came in a deep blue box back then and I hated them. It was just another chore to me and I wasn't about to do that. (Sorry, Mom.)  Anyways, now they come in this lovely orange box and I almost missed that deep blue box that eventually came to hold my pencils and other knick-knacks.

The OXY pads on the other hand were not something I used, but had been recommended to me by my partner as he used them growing up. They had a much stronger smell than I was expecting and came in a stark black and red little bottle. I figured from the way they were presented that the OXY pads would be the stronger of the two products.

My basic routine using the cloth and pads went like this: I washed my face twice a day using the Neutrogena cloths and a little bit of warm water. Afterwards, I would dry my face with a towel and then I'd apply one of the OXY pads to my skin. It was pretty simple to follow and hard to mess up.

After trying them for a month, I learned a fair bit about my skin and what it likes. It did not like this

Yes, my acne appeared to get a little bit better. I had less super large pimples, but breakouts still occurred and they didn't seem to go away any faster either. My pores were still huge and the blackheads never went away. The only major change was that I was no longer oily! Nope, no more oil slicks. Just so much dryness. My face became the Sahara, and I was not impressed. Honestly, I think I need to go back to just a water cleanse for a while before I try a new product.
routine, not at all. Now I don't have dry skin, not even close. However, while using this routine, my skin decided it hated moisture and began to flake. Yuck! That was not what I was expecting at all.

I'm going to give the Neutrogena cloths and OXY pads a 4/10 for lessening the acne and killing the oil-slick, but it created a whole new dryness problem that I now need to find a way to fix.

Dana~

While I would usually jump into something with both feet, I felt like throwing everything at my skin right away was a bad idea. So the first thing I decided to try was washing my face with... (wait for it!)... water. Yes, you heard me. Plain water. This idea was less of a whole routine to try, but mostly to get a baseline for my skin and for my rating system. As far as I know, I have oily skin which is why I get so many zits. Hopefully, even a little cleansing will nip that in the bud.

As I mature, I start to realize the importance of all those things I considered boring or insignificant. Most recently, I've come to terms with the fact that my mother was not being a nag when she urged me to look after my skin. Naive teenage me figured that since washing my face once didn't make a difference in my appearance, why would continuous washing work? Yeah, I wasn't very bright. Thank you puberty hormones for making me short-sighted during your tenure in my body.

Anyways, I decided that this year I'm going to start looking after my skin and putting more effort into keeping it healthy. Being 22, I don't have to worry about wrinkles yet but I do have some issues I'd like to clear up. Also, since I was diagnosed with PCOS a number of years ago, this may be extra challenging as my hormones will interfere with some results. So for the next year, or however long it takes to solve most or all of my problems, I will be trying different routine and products to improve my skin. Below are the issues that I'd like to solve:

• Acne
  - Clear up pimples
  - Prevent future breakouts
• Oiliness
  - Keep skin from becoming an oil slick by 5 p.m.
• Large Pores
  - Shrink pores
  - Eliminate blackheads
• Moisture Level
  - Find a balance between oily and dry so that skin is well-hydrated but not shiny

I will rate each product/routine out of 10 and discuss how well they worked for my skin. By the end of this journey, I hope to find a daily/weekly routine to maintain my skin's health and appearance. I plan to try everything under the sun, ranging from heavy duty cleansers to all natural organic soaps. My fingers are crossed that the best routine doesn't mean the most expensive, but I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Dana~


"What skin issues are you fighting? Have you found your skincare holy grail? Do you have any suggestions for me? Am I insane for even trying this? Leave your ideas and thoughts in the comments below!"

Cooking isn't my strong suit. Hell, because of my fibromyalgia standing in front of stove can be pretty difficult. So when my partner and I decided to making a big thanksgiving meal this year, I was a bit concerned. My parents used to host thanksgiving, but they now preferred to spend the holiday weekend up in the mountains enjoying their RV and the lovely autumn scenery. This was my second Thanksgiving with my partner and this year we decided to tackle a turkey instead of a ham, for which I was both excited and terrified.

Prepping for the meal was fine and I started to relax until the night before when my mind was filled with worry. All I could think of was my turkey turning out all black and smokey like the turkey's commonly seen in American sitcom specials centered around their version of the holiday. The next day, with dreams of an ashen bird still fresh in my mind, I set to work on the meal with all the energy I could muster. My partner did a lot of the hard labour, but I was still fluttering about trying to time everything right and get the sides ready while also trying to keep track of how many times I basted the turkey.

As you can tell from the above picture, the turkey came out damn near perfect. Juicy with golden brown and crispy skin. It was delicious and I felt super accomplished cooking a holiday meal for the first time. While I grateful that the meal worked out as planned, the thing I was most grateful for was the presence of my partner in my life. His help, selflessness and love really mean the world to me. With his help, I expect all of our future holidays to be awesome.

Dana~


"How hard was it to cook a big meal on your own for the first time? Have you ever prepared a big holiday meal all by yourself? Do you even like the holidays? Tell me in the comments below!"

I thought receiving a diagnosis was an achievement in and of itself. I thought everything that came next couldn't be as bad. The logic was, "If I know what's wrong with me, I know what I can do to help fix it." I never counted on my illness begin incurable. Modern medicine is so advanced that we've made AIDS treatable to the point that it's very unlikely to die from it anymore; so in my mind there shouldn't be many incurable illnesses left. Turns out, not only was I wrong, but I was being very naive.

Fibromyalgia is what I was diagnosed with recently after decade of searching for answers. It is a chronic pain condition that causes widespread pain throughout my body as well as sleep problems, sensitivity to high/low temperatures, muscle spasms, overactive nerves, bad joints, fatigue and many other issues. Basically, I can't walk very far or stand for very long and using my joints for prolonged periods of time can cause serious problems. On my bad days, I end up confined to bed rest. Even on my good days, I can really only tackle a couple short tasks or run one errand without causing a painful flare for the rest of the week.

While knowledge is power and knowing what caused all these problems helped me, I didn't realize how limited my treatment options were. Exercise is usually the blanket, throw-away advice from doctors and rheumatologists. However, it only seems to help a small portion of fibro patients improve, for some it can make the pain much worse. I, unfortunately, ended up in the latter group. As I continued my research post-diagnosis, I found that there was very little new information on treatment. "Pain management" was a term used most often, talking about how to learn to live with the pain. It also seemed that there was very little research going on about how to cure fibromyalgia patients and most efforts seemed focused on just dealing with the pain. Learning this broke my heart. They weren't trying to make us better, they just wanted us to complain less and do more. (Shut up and be useful.) This kind of thinking is not helpful for the patients who just want to be better, who want to eventually be pain-free. For now, we accept that pain-free may not happen, but we need to hope it is a possibility. Hope is all we have.

Around this time, I heard the phrase, "Fibro won't kill you, but you'll suffer every day until you die of old age." While that isn't the greatest outlook to have, as a person with this disease I feel like it still rings true. Fibromyalgia as it stands is a life sentence of pain, insomnia, and the inability to complete basic daily tasks. Like many fibro sufferers, I can't work. Since my wrists lock up, it makes it hard to drive a car or use a computer for long periods of time. Working retail or any other minimum wage job that would have me on my feet most of the day also wouldn't work as I usually can't walk or stand for longer than five minutes at a time. The only other choice is working as a call center employee, but with the emotional toll that can take on a person's mental health, it's extra dangerous for a fibro patient to take on that kind of work. This is because fibromyalgia patients have a suicide rate 10 times higher than the general population [1][2]. The cause for the high suicide rate is split between the fact that fibromyalgia cause severe depression due to pain levels and the anti-depressants with suicidal side effects often prescribed to fibro patients to treat their pain.

Speaking of treating the pain with prescriptions, there aren't many options in that department either. Anti-depressants are usually prescribed as fibro patients often present as severely depressed and many doctor's believe the pain to be psychological. (It's all in our heads! No.) There are some pills that some patients have had limited success with such as Lyrica and Gabapentin, but, like exercise, they only seem to work for a small portion of sufferers. Many fibromyalgia patients then go on to rely on opioid prescriptions like Tramadol to make it through the day. The problem there is that with the number of overdose and addiction victims rising, doctors have been taking away valid opioid prescriptions from non-addicted chronic pain patients [3][4][5]. This leads to loss of function and increased pain flares for patients who had returned to almost full function. Unfortunately, this problem is not being addressed as the chronic pain community doesn't seem to have a voice loud enough to be heard over the shouting about overdose deaths.

Therefore, fibromyalgia patients find themselves in quite a bind. We can't work, and sometimes even taking care of ourselves is too much. Adding onto the fact that there just isn't enough research being done to cure us and chronic pain patients losing access to their prescriptions, we can easily start to feel like we've been imprisoned in our own bodies. I continue my own research and participating in fibromyalgia communities in the hope that I can find ways to ease the pain and break free of this life sentence.

Dana~


"Do you suffer with chronic pain? What's your biggest hurdle? What treatment have you found to be the most helpful? Let me know in the comments below."

Fibromyalgia. One word, five syllables. The truth I had been searching for that I knew existed all along.

A decade of doctor's appointments, specialist consults, foreign physicians, late nights reading medical journals and endless days thinking I was insane finally lead me to this. It was real, others had the same symptoms.

I first heard the word from a gynecologist in the UK. My birth control was running low while I lived in the South of England so I booked an appointment at a sexual health clinic. Since I was foreign, they wanted my full medical history before I was given a prescription. I chuckled and apologized to the nurse for the long story I was about to tell her. She sat with me for almost half-an-hour as I regaled her with all the main issues I had and what procedures I had undergone. When I was finished, she thanked me and took the report she wrote to the gynecologist. When the doctor came into the room, skimming the report as she sat down across from me, she made an off-handed comment, "Have you ever been tested for Fibromyalgia?"

The sentence would open up a whole new world of research for me, but I hadn't connected the dots yet. I responded to her inquiry in the negative and she said I should speak to my general practitioner about getting checked out. I agreed and that was the end of it for the time being. I didn't have a  family doctor in the UK and I was focused on relationship issues I was having with my partner at the time. Still, the word stuck with me. The next time I had a moment to myself I started to look up the symptoms and signs. It had no known cause, no cure and mostly effected women. This was disheartening, but all I wanted was an answer. As I continued my research, everything I read just felt like I was reading my life story. It felt like I was a typical case and I had no idea how this had been missed previously. That's when I noticed how little it was recognized back in North America. It wasn't until recently that doctors started to believe patients and consider fibromyalgia a real condition.

On my return to Canada last summer, I was determined to get my diagnosis. The only problem was I didn't have a family doctor because mine retired while I was abroad. Clinic doctors were wary of giving referrals to specialists, which I needed to confirm that it was Fibromyalgia. So I set out to organize a new family doctor for myself only to discover there was a shortage of family physicians in my province. I also had a bunch of paperwork to fill out and file after returning to the country. By the time I had managed to sort everything out and get an appointment with a doctor who was willing to take me on as a patient, it was a full year after I learned of the condition from the gynecologist. The symptoms first seriously reared their grotesque head when I was 12-years-old. After I booked the appointment, I turned 22. Ten years of seeking a diagnosis had passed and I was so broken down, I thought there was no fight left in me.

Sitting down with my new doctor, explaining everything to her and then bringing up what I knew of fibromyalgia...It was nerve-racking and it honestly took the last of my mental energy to do. I had waited so long, suffered for so many years in the dark. I wanted, no, I needed to hear an answer to my question, "What's wrong with me?"

Walking out of my new doctor's office with her agreement and her pledge to help me further investigate my issues, was so liberating. I could not have been more relieved. One journey, the search for an answer, had come to an end. The next journey, the search for a working a treatment, was just beginning. Ten years of fighting for an answer has prepared me for the next battle, and I'm ready to take on the new challenge. I welcome it.

Dana~


"Do you or a loved one have fibromyalgia or CFS? How long did it take to get the diagnosis? When did the symptoms first start? Tell me your story in the comments below."