I've never really noticed before when one part of my life ended. When I turned the page and a whole new path opened up before me. Of course, it's happened many times in my 24 years on this Earth. When I started school, when my illness first struck, when puberty hit, when I discovered my sexuality...the list of chapters in my life seems endless, but I could hardly tell you at the time when the changeover from one to another occurred.

      Today, I can see it. The next stage of my life is right there in front of me. I can feel it coiled around my finger. I'm not sure why it's now that I can finally comprehend the gravity of what lies ahead. Am I older and therefore wiser? Do I have a clearer mind than usual? Maybe it's both. Maybe it's neither. I think the reason for my sudden recognition of the change is simply because I believe in it's purpose. Because I'm excited for the next step and I want nothing more than to throw my whole being forward to fully embrace this next chapter.

      Over the weekend, my loving partner found the perfect moment to ask about sharing a life together. These last three years together have been some of the best of my life. After my tumultuous time abroad, and constant health struggles, I started fresh when I found him. I learned to take better care of myself, I expanded my horizons and I found out what real, healthy relationships were supposed to feel like. Nothing could have prepared me for that transition, but I'm so glad to have lived through it.

      Now, together, we're starting a new chapter of our story—rather than his or mine—the first of hopefully many to come. We have a year and a bit until the big celebration of our love, and this time of preparation is a chapter of its own. We're planning not only the creation of our union, but the future that we want to build.  This time will test us, and overwhelmingly stress us. However, I couldn't be more excited to face the unknown because I know that as I jump off this cliff, turn this page, walk down this shadowy unmarked trail, someone else is there with me for the first time in my life. And they're holding my hand.

-Dana.

"Did you ever recognize the beginning of a new life stage while you were in it? What did that feel like? Or have you only ever noticed the changes after they'd long since passed? Let me know in the comment section!"

"Parties are...not my scene."

"I just don't do people."

"I'd rather watch Netflix at home than go out."

Yes, that sounds a lot like the me. A homebody who prefers books and chocolate milk to vodka and crowds. I've always been an introvert, and I always said extroversion was not my cup of tea. Then again, I never really had the chance to be extroverted. I was too ill as a teenager for anyone to bother being my friend. I went to a two year community college, so no frat parties were ever attended. My companions were international, people I'd met online, and even when I visited them we just stayed indoors. If I put the effort in... Sure, maybe I could've been extroverted. However, that type of outgoing life was never really offered to me.

Most people I asked said it came naturally. Friends sort of found you and there was a clicking sensation that bonded you for life. While I had a one or two close friends through out my life, I never had a true social circle. No one really found me. So I just thought that type of life, that amount of socialization wasn't for me. If it didn't happen naturally, then I probably shouldn't try too hard. I didn't belong at bars or in hobby groups.  I believed people like me weren't supposed to be social. Maybe you believe these same things but for your own reasons. I held these close to my heart for the longest time that I didn't think it was possible to be more than an introvert. Then my life took a turn and, as all 20-somethings do, I learned how to do something new. I learned how to be outgoing and enjoy it; even if I only came out of my shell-of-solitude for a sort amount of time.

1. Find Your People

It's really hard to be extroverted when you're only good at talking to people you know, especially if you don't have many friends to start with. Once you do find friends and cohorts, via the Internet, work acquaintances, school peers or random public encounters, you've really overcome the biggest hurdle. The rest of the work is all mental.

New opportunities arose in my life recently, by meeting friends of my current partner, and that's how I found my own inner extrovert. I have people to spend time with now. People in my area who like to hang out with my physical being. It was a shock really, that suddenly something that was so difficult to achieve previously, just happened almost over night. My childhood mentors were right, it did occur naturally. Although, it took 21 years...but details! Making one connection helped me meet others. People who snicker at my jokes, play strategic board games with me and invite me out to dinner in the city. It's a wonderful feeling to not sit in my house all day every day, to have real people to converse with even about the most mundane things. Now I'm able to be extroverted when I choose, rather than being completed introverted with no choice in the matter.

2. Don't Be Afraid To Be Awkward
We're all human, we all make jokes in poor taste or accidentally mock something without knowing it really matters to the person with whom we're conversing. If you make mistakes, it's okay to apologize and move forward. If you've found your people, they will forgive and forget these minor muck ups. You'll laugh things off and eventually, make a few smooth comebacks or witty quips that captivate the room once you're more comfortable.

3. Just Jump In
The most important part to this is to try to say "Yes" as often as possible when you're invited to do something.

• An invite to a dinner party?
  Absolutely! Yeah, you may hate fancy party food, but the conversation and goofy party games while tipsy will be totally worth it.
• Asked to join in with a challenging activity?
  Sure! Yes, you may suck at it, but your people will laugh with you, not at you.
• Called over to dance in front of a crowd?
  Definitely! Okay, maybe your moves are outdated or clumsy, but the point of dancing with friends is to have a good time and burn off some excess energy.

Everything you agree to opens up more opportunities and brings your friends closer. Saying no all the time just isn't the way to go. (Though, don't say yes to everything as that can put you in sticky situations. Don't do drugs, don't drink and don't engage in sexual activity if it makes you uncomfortable.) Once you've established a strong rapport with your friends, it's okay to back out of certain festivities if you would like to have a few introverted nights to yourself. If they're your people, they will understand and continue to invite you to things regardless.

Since making new friends, it feels like my whole life has changed. My proverbial table has been flipped! I was invited to my first house party, even better, my first Halloween party. We had to find costumes and act ghoulish to get in. I was both terrified and ecstatic. I had never done this before, but it was something I felt I had missed out on for years. My costume was haphazard, but so were a lot of peoples' outfits. The first thing I did when I arrived was play beer pong. Albeit, very poorly, but play I did! It was something I was always concerned about doing, but everyone there was so kind and funny so I had no reason to worry. Then there was mingling and dancing, I am uncoordinated as hell but I had a grand time wiggling my hips to the beat and I made a new friend while doing it! We both laughed at our silly moves and tried to keep up with the rapid songs. Even better, I was never forced to drink at the party, which was great since that was my biggest fear and probably what prevented me from attending other parties. When the night was over, I had met lots of people and danced until I couldn't breathe. My heart pounded in my chest and I laughed heartily. It was so much fun.

So if someone asks me about my social life, I can finally say I have one. Even better, I believe I can continue to have a social life now that I feel like I have the choice to be extroverted or introverted and that feels awesome.You can be more social and outgoing too if you feel like expanding your own horizons. All it takes is a couple leaps of faith and a lot of laughter. 

Dana~

How do you make big decisions? How you choose to do something life altering? How do you get past the fear? How do you live with the regret? I really want to know. I honestly need to understand how this works, how to get past that huge road block. I have no clue what I'm doing. 

Important choices are the scariest ones, the ones that come with consequences. For one, nobody warns you of them as a kid. They start in high school, when we're still used to children's choices. (Do you want chocolate ice cream or a cookie? Yes, you can have the cookie later too.) They blindside you and so you tackle them with your limited knowledge of choices. You pick the easy answer and later, you try to change your mind. Just like you did when you were young. But then you're told you can't go back. That decision was final. You have to live with the bad extracurriculars for a year, work that crap retail job instead of being out with your friends, or you have to find a way to let go of your hot, but bitchy partner without messing up your social life. No one told you these decisions were final. You didn't really understand what final meant until it happened. These choices, these mistakes, while now more impactful, were only the tip of the iceberg.

The final year of school comes along and everyone begins to ask, "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?" You're made to make decisions that will impact the next 20 to 50 years of your life when you're barely legal. You have to pick a career path, final year courses that complement it, then apply to a college with an applicable degree program and finally decide on relevant work experience for it. You know these choices are final, and worst of all you know the consequences are 10 times more severe than picking P.E. over Dramatic Expressions 101. These choices can't truly be avoided either. Everyone from your mother to strangers who find out you're graduating will ask. Sure, you can put it all off. Finish school and take a gap year. But statistics show that those who don't make the decisions tend to not start careers or even continue schooling. They earn less over their lifetime compared to those who made their choices. These big steps, big decisions have huge consequences, but they still aren't the hurdles I'm trying to tackle.

I'm talking about the adult choices. The ones that determine where you live, who's a part of your life and where your next meal is coming from. The choices that affect your sanity and  are affected by your morality. These choices not only have life long consequences, but the regret that comes with them can be massive. So consuming it can drive you to the brink of madness. Worse yet, as you teeter on the edge of that depressing cliff, the pressure to choose pushes you forward. You may wait so long out of sheer terror of those consequences that you rush the decision just to make it all stop. Then you're really stuck. Then you have to live with something you probably weren't prepared for just because you couldn't handle the pressure.

A new dark cloud falls over you, one of regret and depression. You don't know how to move forward anymore. All you can see is what's behind you and you want it back. Unfortunately, no. You're an adult now. Going backwards, asking for a mulligan...they're out of the question. Those 'backsies' choices come with the shame of failure, the shame of "I give up!" You can't handle that. You can't handle facing everyone who matters and telling them you screwed up.  Or you could, but you're not sure your already fragile ego would survive the beating.  So you do the adult thing, grin and bear it. You live with your choice, your big mistake. You try to "take it in stride" as they say. But then suddenly, you're on the edge of that cliff again, toes dangling over those rocks. The pressure is against your back and you feel like you're going insane. Darkness and the thundering crash of waves on stone calls up from below, the sound of another big mistake awaiting you. You already have one big regret to live with, another might break you. So I ask again...How do I make these choices? Will I ever make the right decision? Or is there no "right" answer?

It could be that adulthood is simply living with regrets and facing this emotionally perilous moment over and over. As time goes by I'll get better at deciding. I'll know how to face the cliff-side without being plagued by anxiety. My choices will be more informed and the consequences won't be nearly as overwhelming. For now, as I lack the enlightening experience to guide me, I have to take another leap of faith. I have to jump and learn from my fall. Then maybe one day I won't have to do this on blind faith anymore.

Dana~