"Time passes quickly the older you get," said my mother.

       I didn't understand her then, but this last year of my life I've come to understand a lot more about myself and life itself. 24 has quickly become 25 and it feels as if I merely went to sleep on one birthday and woke up on the next. Time does slip through our fingers like sand, and I've realized my mother was right about this. However, there is a logical reason behind that saying. As kids, whose entire lives may only consist of a few years, time seems vast. A day could feel like a week or a month to them simply because they've only existed for a few cycles around the sun. For adults, we've done this before. I've lived through 24 years, and they no longer feel super long. I can't imagine how quick they feel to someone in my parents' generation.

       Now, just because I feel like I didn't even have time to put up my 2018 calendar before I was given my 2019 one, doesn't mean I didn't tackle my goals. On my birthday last year, I made a list of the things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. I'm happy to report I was successful. Well, mostly.

Lets review:

• Lose Weight 
• Clear up my Acne
• Finish Writing a Full-length Novel

       Right off the bat, I can cross off the first one. Not only did I complete that goal, but I crushed it. I lost 50lbs between February and September last year. Even better, I've maintained that loss for the last five months. If I hadn't opened my eyes to anti-fat bias, this would be  a major celebration. It shouldn't be. Yes, I'm super proud of myself, but mostly for the effort I put into this endeavour rather than the results. Wearing size medium leggings makes me feel accomplished, and the anti-fat bias that inspires this feeling is disappointing. I set this goal to prove a point (that my illness was the same or worse when I was thinner) and I did just that. Unfortunately, I wrecked my metabolism along the way and created new disordered eating habits. So, while I'm pleased to have defeated this goal, I'm also very regretful for having set it in the first place.

       As for the second goal, I didn't think I'd manage to complete that one. I'd been battling acne for over a decade, how would I defeat it in a single year? Welp. Eating some crow on that one. In December 2017, I started taking Spironolactone 50mg for my PCOS symptoms, but specifically for acne. I increased the dosage in February to 100mg. Spring and summer were rough, but by mid-August, my skin cleared up. It was miraculous! It's super rare that I get pimples at all now, big ones almost never appear. I can actually go out in public with a bare face and I couldn't be happier. Thank you, Spiro. I should've tried you sooner.

       Now, the third goal, I must sadly admit I didn't complete. My novel manuscript fell to the wayside as my health and then my weight loss regime became my focus. However, over the summer, I picked up an old project and found my passion for writing again. It's a co-written fanfiction I began years ago and I haven't fallen in love with my work like this in so long... It's a wonderful feeling. I wrote about 100,000 words in the latter half of 2018, so I'd say I sort of completed this goal in a sense. But I won't cross it off for posterity's sake.

       Okay, time for the big question, what about 26? Well, I think 2019 is going to be the year of truly simple goals. I felt pressured by those three goals last time (I called them simple, ha!), and with a wedding coming up, I really can't take on too much else. So, I'm thinking small for this year. I'll make a separate post for that though. For now, I'm grateful to have achieved even two-thirds of my goals from last year. I'm proud but burnt out. A slice of cake and some well-deserved rest is in order!

-Dana.

Today, I turn 24 years-old. Today, I made some choices about my future.

For a long time now, I've been coasting. I'm not really pushing myself. I'm not striving to achieve anything. My chronic pain condition (see: Fibromyalgia) has really been holding me back. I can't work, I can barely sleep and I've really let myself go while trying desperately to maintain my pain levels. This stops today.

I've set myself some goals for the following year. These are targets that I've wanted to make progress towards for a long time. Things I've put off for years. I hope to achieve some or even all of these by my 25th birthday.

Before Age 25 I Want To:

• Lose Weight 
• Clear up my Acne
• Finish Writing a Full-length Novel

I have always heard that once you hit rock bottom, you can only go upwards. I took that to mean that when everything goes wrong and I have to start over, that I will eventually be able to bring good things back into my life. Effort would be required, as it always is, but I would still find happiness. I clung to this ideal when life got rough this year.

Then, on one of my darkest days, something surprising happened. A positive and optimistic presence entered my life. The tears stopped. The frustration melted away. The hurt faded. In time, all that was wrong finally started to become a memory. This good influence on my life gave me the strength to believe in hope again. I remembered what it was like to be honestly happy, and not wearing the facade of happiness while I juggled emotional hurt and general frustration with life below the surface.

I'm not saying the new presence caused my happiness, I do not need to rely on something or someone outside of myself to be happy. What happened was that positivity reminded me about all that is good in life and all the good I have to look forward to in my future. By coming to terms with whats happened and remembering I have more to do as I move forward, I was able to find peace with myself and ultimately find my own happiness again. Hello, personal joy, I missed you. I won't let negativity steal away my awesome optimism and internal contentment. It's a lot more fun this way.

Dana~

So job hunting is never an easy task. I mean, with my skills and experience I could enter a variety of fields... It's just that my resume competes with 2000 others every time. Too few jobs here for way too many job seekers. So after almost a year and a half without steady work, I decided to step my game up. Time to learn a new language!

As a writer and professional communicator, second languages are always a bonus on your resume. Especially since I live and hope to work in Canada, where we have a diverse population and businesses that must communicate on an international level. While I have always had a particular interest in other cultures and I've pick up a few words in Japanese, Korean, Russian and Spanish from my reading addiction...I am not fluent in anything other than English. Like most Canadians though, I studied French in school. I wish I had kept it up, but the skills I did keep allow me to read most French writing and understand the concepts. I figured that was my best bet to learn a second language since I already had a fairly good grasp of the basics.

Next I had to decide on how I wanted to learn. Should I pursue a university degree in French? Should I hire a private tutor? Should I move to France and immerse myself in the language? Well, all of those were great ideas and sounded like wonderful learning experiences...However, I am broke. First of all, student loans aren't a good idea considering I can't guarantee repayment after I graduate. As for private tutors, they charge high fees for each individual lesson. Finally, a second move abroad is not only expensive up front, but dangerous as I have no connections or people to stay with over there. With all my French fantasies quashed, I had to look elsewhere for a solution.

After hours of research, I happened to discover adult education courses. They ran at a community college in the city at night and didn't use a regular grading scale so I could learn at my own pace. They also had a low one time fee that I could afford. Each course came with a certificate of completion as well. It's perfect. I start in a few days and I can't help it... I am practicing on my own now too. My conversation is clumsy but I have the passion and drive to improve. I will get this right and be able to put French working proficiency on my resume one day.

Dana~

Money doesn't grow on trees, especially when you're job hunting. So when I'm given a gift card or even a small bit of money, I save it like crazy. Okay, more like unhealthily hoarding it.

For example, I got a Steam gift card the other week. Now, I've wanted to purchase new games for ages to pass the time between writing job applications. There are so many good looking games out there. Unfortunately, I'm picky when it comes to my games and money nowadays. I only spend money on games with replay value. That's it. If I can't keep coming back to a game and enjoying a new experience, it isn't worth the money to me. Especially if it's over $15.

So when I got home and entered my code into my Steam account, I excitedly surfed the shop for something new to play. I referenced my wishlist and looked at all recommendations. I was even about to buy a few. Then that damn little voice in my head said, "Wait! You'll regret it."

"But how could I? It's got great reviews!" I contested.

My conscious was unwavering, "No, you'll be bored of it in a day. Forget it."

Thus, I didn't buy any games. It's always been like this. I save all my money for a day where I desperately need it, even though it's usually money I've been waiting to use for something specific. I remember saving my lunch money in college thinking there'd be a day when I really needed it to go out or something. This was despite the fact I was starving between classes all semester and that I never went out on the town anyways.

So the gift card sits unused and unloved. I still return to games I love with replay value. The Sims 3 is always a favourite and can be different each play through. I've also found myself a fan of Kitty Power's Matchmaker on Steam. The British humor and slang gives me waves of nostalgia.

Still, I wish I weren't so prudent and responsible with my money. It'd be nice to have fun for a change.

Dana~

As the titled explains... I am getting discouraged. I have been applying left and right for work. Everyday, I'm putting myself out there as much as I possibly can. To be fair, I have gotten a lot of responses! In fact, the first day of using my new phone I had a phone interview for the perfect job. I was even offered the position while on the phone. We discussed everything and he said he would get it set up. Then the next day I received a rejection email. The interviewer had been so enthusiastic about hiring me on the phone... I was confused. I brushed it off as they found someone better.

Then the same thing happened the following week. And then again. And again. In four weeks, I've been turned down for countless jobs right after making it through the hiring process. According to each interviewer, I was personable and met all their criteria. What was I doing wrong?  Finally, I asked the last interviewer who rejected me why they had made the decision. What did I need to work on? She took a while to get back to me, but awkwardly explained that the company was nervous to hire someone on a visa. They preferred to hire nationals instead of foreigners.

That was odd. I had already explained that my visa allowed me to work and there would be no issues. I even said I would be willing to return to Canada and switch visas if they wanted me as a permanent hire. I had done my research and knew what the requirements were. Still, that was their reasoning. No foreign-nationals. During the interview, she figured I would be fine to hire and enthusiastically offered me the job anyways. But when she took it to her superiors... that's when I was rejected. They were anxious about hiring immigrants and didn't want to be painted in a poor light for not supporting jobs for UK citizens.

I felt horrible. I never knew it would be so hard to get a job. I thanked the interviewer for her candor and went back to applying. It's been a week since then and I'm losing more hope with every rejection. Am I not worthy because I'm Canadian?

Dana~

So, I may not have discussed this before, but I'm an avid Simmer. This may not be a word most people know, but it's basic definition is a person who plays a lot of "The Sims 3". I've been playing for about four years now mostly because it's a great way to tell stories and create characters. Whenever I have writer's block, playing Sims always gets my creative juices flowing.

Now, back in Canada I had a pretty decent desktop. It had an Intel i5 processor and everything. It ran "The Sims 3" really well. Well enough that I added so many mods it wasn't funny. I liked to be able to alter the game and my stories to my whim. It was great. Unfortunately, I had to leave my desktop behind when I moved to the UK. I had a hard time coming to grips with the fact I was going to lose my favourite creative outlet. Then I realized I could install the game on my Macbook Pro! I thought this was the solution I needed.

No. Nuh-uh. Not happening. Yes, the game installed. Yes, it ran sort-of-but-not-really-fine. My issue was that the mods barely functioned. Modifications that normally caused no lag, forced the game to a slow crawl. Then there was the custom hair glitch. Half of my properly-installed custom hair styles never load, no matter what trick I try. I had a method to get them to load (Load game, check hairs, close game, delete caches and reset mods, restart game), but even now that has stopped working.

I am very irked as many of the glitches have made me feel more annoyed by my hobby than happy. Things have gotten a bit stressful and I always used to turn to Sims...but now it too is a struggle. I guess I'll just have to keep fighting with it on a day I'm not frustrated.

Dana~

I handed in my passport to the UK government the other day. In two weeks time, I should have my Youth Mobility Scheme visa. You see, that relationship across the pond grew a little bit. Enough for me to give it a real shot and move in with the man. I mean, we spent 6 months together last year. Three in England and three in Canada. This visa was the easiest for us to be together and it lets me try to find work right away. This feels very rushed, but so right. The excitement is so intense I feel like I could burst! I've always wanted to live abroad, let alone date someone from far away. Even better I could have international experience on my resume. Chance of a lifetime, absolutely!

Now the not so fun part. I'm terrified. I have never lived away from my family. I can barely cook for myself, not for lack of trying. Then there's the whole, "I'll have no support system" issue. My friends and family, my confidants are all back home. But Skype should be enough and I can always buy a cookbook... I guess I'm just a little nervous. This is technically me moving away from home for two years. That's a hell of a long time. Maybe I'm naive believing I can do this. I mean, I'm 21. I am certainly old enough. But am I mature enough? Are all these doubts proving that I'm not ready? I guess I should go for it and try not to focus on all these worries. I have pretty much everything else sorted. Accommodations, tickets for travel and starting off funds. I'm not taking a blind leap of faith. Thought it certainly feels like it.

I don't want to live with regrets.

Dana~

I suppose I should introduce myself. Or should I talk about this blog? There's not much to say about it right now, the website has yet to be developed so why discuss it? I guess that leads to the discussion of me as someone who is sort of developed. I write, I ramble. I'm often out of my mind but focused on what I'm doing. My current focus is job hunting and developing myself as a person. I finished college a year ago, studying professional writing in hopes it would open new doors. Thus far it hasn't even opened a window, but my horizons certainly broadened.

A sunset shot from my trip to  Harrison Hot Springs, BC

I had the time to travel, first camping around BC and then to the UK of all places. It was never high on my list of post-education destinations; Japan was always a childhood dream vacation. But I formed a relationship across the pond and the travel plans made sense. Besides, doesn't everyone go backpacking in Europe after college? Though, the UK isn't really in Europe and staying in a rural cottage for the summer isn't really backpacking.

So those are my most recent exploits. College graduation, job hunting and international travel...Boy, do I feel like a cliche.  Either way, I created this blog so as to practice my skills and make sure I had an online presence. Now let's hope my Photoshop skills don't fail me as I try to assemble this page!

Posts that may appear here will include anything from politics and local news to my daily happenings and video games. Hopefully my writings will be insightful to you, readers of the Internet. Maybe my personal growth will be entertaining or educational...Though I have my doubts.

Dana~