"Parties are...not my scene."
"I just don't do people."
"I'd rather watch Netflix at home than go out."
Yes, that sounds a lot like the me. A homebody who prefers books and chocolate milk to vodka and crowds. I've always been an introvert, and I always said extroversion was not my cup of tea. Then again, I never really had the chance to be extroverted. I was too ill as a teenager for anyone to bother being my friend. I went to a two year community college, so no frat parties were ever attended. My companions were international, people I'd met online, and even when I visited them we just stayed indoors. If I put the effort in... Sure, maybe I could've been extroverted. However, that type of outgoing life was never really offered to me.
Most people I asked said it came naturally. Friends sort of found you and there was a clicking sensation that bonded you for life. While I had a one or two close friends through out my life, I never had a true social circle. No one really found me. So I just thought that type of life, that amount of socialization wasn't for me. If it didn't happen naturally, then I probably shouldn't try too hard. I didn't belong at bars or in hobby groups. I believed people like me weren't supposed to be social. Maybe you believe these same things but for your own reasons. I held these close to my heart for the longest time that I didn't think it was possible to be more than an introvert. Then my life took a turn and, as all 20-somethings do, I learned how to do something new. I learned how to be outgoing and enjoy it; even if I only came out of my shell-of-solitude for a sort amount of time.
1. Find Your People
Most people I asked said it came naturally. Friends sort of found you and there was a clicking sensation that bonded you for life. While I had a one or two close friends through out my life, I never had a true social circle. No one really found me. So I just thought that type of life, that amount of socialization wasn't for me. If it didn't happen naturally, then I probably shouldn't try too hard. I didn't belong at bars or in hobby groups. I believed people like me weren't supposed to be social. Maybe you believe these same things but for your own reasons. I held these close to my heart for the longest time that I didn't think it was possible to be more than an introvert. Then my life took a turn and, as all 20-somethings do, I learned how to do something new. I learned how to be outgoing and enjoy it; even if I only came out of my shell-of-solitude for a sort amount of time.
1. Find Your People
It's really hard to be extroverted when you're only good at talking to people you know, especially if you don't have many friends to start with. Once you do find friends and cohorts, via the Internet, work acquaintances, school peers or random public encounters, you've really overcome the biggest hurdle. The rest of the work is all mental.
New opportunities arose in my life recently, by meeting friends of my current partner, and that's how I found my own inner extrovert. I have people to spend time with now. People in my area who like to hang out with my physical being. It was a shock really, that suddenly something that was so difficult to achieve previously, just happened almost over night. My childhood mentors were right, it did occur naturally. Although, it took 21 years...but details! Making one connection helped me meet others. People who snicker at my jokes, play strategic board games with me and invite me out to dinner in the city. It's a wonderful feeling to not sit in my house all day every day, to have real people to converse with even about the most mundane things. Now I'm able to be extroverted when I choose, rather than being completed introverted with no choice in the matter.
New opportunities arose in my life recently, by meeting friends of my current partner, and that's how I found my own inner extrovert. I have people to spend time with now. People in my area who like to hang out with my physical being. It was a shock really, that suddenly something that was so difficult to achieve previously, just happened almost over night. My childhood mentors were right, it did occur naturally. Although, it took 21 years...but details! Making one connection helped me meet others. People who snicker at my jokes, play strategic board games with me and invite me out to dinner in the city. It's a wonderful feeling to not sit in my house all day every day, to have real people to converse with even about the most mundane things. Now I'm able to be extroverted when I choose, rather than being completed introverted with no choice in the matter.
2. Don't Be Afraid To Be Awkward
We're all human, we all make jokes in poor taste or accidentally mock something without knowing it really matters to the person with whom we're conversing. If you make mistakes, it's okay to apologize and move forward. If you've found your people, they will forgive and forget these minor muck ups. You'll laugh things off and eventually, make a few smooth comebacks or witty quips that captivate the room once you're more comfortable.
3. Just Jump In
The most important part to this is to try to say "Yes" as often as possible when you're invited to do something.
- An invite to a dinner party?
Absolutely! Yeah, you may hate fancy party food, but the conversation and goofy party games while tipsy will be totally worth it. - Asked to join in with a challenging activity?
Sure! Yes, you may suck at it, but your people will laugh with you, not at you. - Called over to dance in front of a crowd?
Definitely! Okay, maybe your moves are outdated or clumsy, but the point of dancing with friends is to have a good time and burn off some excess energy.
Everything you agree to opens up more opportunities and brings your friends closer. Saying no all the time just isn't the way to go. (Though, don't say yes to everything as that can put you in sticky situations. Don't do drugs, don't drink and don't engage in sexual activity if it makes you uncomfortable.) Once you've established a strong rapport with your friends, it's okay to back out of certain festivities if you would like to have a few introverted nights to yourself. If they're your people, they will understand and continue to invite you to things regardless.
Since making new friends, it feels like my whole life has changed. My proverbial table has been flipped! I was invited to my first house party, even better, my first Halloween party. We had to find costumes and act ghoulish to get in. I was both terrified and ecstatic. I had never done this before, but it was something I felt I had missed out on for years. My costume was haphazard, but so were a lot of peoples' outfits. The first thing I did when I arrived was play beer pong. Albeit, very poorly, but play I did! It was something I was always concerned about doing, but everyone there was so kind and funny so I had no reason to worry. Then there was mingling and dancing, I am uncoordinated as hell but I had a grand time wiggling my hips to the beat and I made a new friend while doing it! We both laughed at our silly moves and tried to keep up with the rapid songs. Even better, I was never forced to drink at the party, which was great since that was my biggest fear and probably what prevented me from attending other parties. When the night was over, I had met lots of people and danced until I couldn't breathe. My heart pounded in my chest and I laughed heartily. It was so much fun.
So if someone asks me about my social life, I can finally say I have one. Even better, I believe I can continue to have a social life now that I feel like I have the choice to be extroverted or introverted and that feels awesome.You can be more social and outgoing too if you feel like expanding your own horizons. All it takes is a couple leaps of faith and a lot of laughter.
Dana~
