"Time passes quickly the older you get," said my mother.

       I didn't understand her then, but this last year of my life I've come to understand a lot more about myself and life itself. 24 has quickly become 25 and it feels as if I merely went to sleep on one birthday and woke up on the next. Time does slip through our fingers like sand, and I've realized my mother was right about this. However, there is a logical reason behind that saying. As kids, whose entire lives may only consist of a few years, time seems vast. A day could feel like a week or a month to them simply because they've only existed for a few cycles around the sun. For adults, we've done this before. I've lived through 24 years, and they no longer feel super long. I can't imagine how quick they feel to someone in my parents' generation.

       Now, just because I feel like I didn't even have time to put up my 2018 calendar before I was given my 2019 one, doesn't mean I didn't tackle my goals. On my birthday last year, I made a list of the things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. I'm happy to report I was successful. Well, mostly.

Lets review:

• Lose Weight 
• Clear up my Acne
• Finish Writing a Full-length Novel

       Right off the bat, I can cross off the first one. Not only did I complete that goal, but I crushed it. I lost 50lbs between February and September last year. Even better, I've maintained that loss for the last five months. If I hadn't opened my eyes to anti-fat bias, this would be  a major celebration. It shouldn't be. Yes, I'm super proud of myself, but mostly for the effort I put into this endeavour rather than the results. Wearing size medium leggings makes me feel accomplished, and the anti-fat bias that inspires this feeling is disappointing. I set this goal to prove a point (that my illness was the same or worse when I was thinner) and I did just that. Unfortunately, I wrecked my metabolism along the way and created new disordered eating habits. So, while I'm pleased to have defeated this goal, I'm also very regretful for having set it in the first place.

       As for the second goal, I didn't think I'd manage to complete that one. I'd been battling acne for over a decade, how would I defeat it in a single year? Welp. Eating some crow on that one. In December 2017, I started taking Spironolactone 50mg for my PCOS symptoms, but specifically for acne. I increased the dosage in February to 100mg. Spring and summer were rough, but by mid-August, my skin cleared up. It was miraculous! It's super rare that I get pimples at all now, big ones almost never appear. I can actually go out in public with a bare face and I couldn't be happier. Thank you, Spiro. I should've tried you sooner.

       Now, the third goal, I must sadly admit I didn't complete. My novel manuscript fell to the wayside as my health and then my weight loss regime became my focus. However, over the summer, I picked up an old project and found my passion for writing again. It's a co-written fanfiction I began years ago and I haven't fallen in love with my work like this in so long... It's a wonderful feeling. I wrote about 100,000 words in the latter half of 2018, so I'd say I sort of completed this goal in a sense. But I won't cross it off for posterity's sake.

       Okay, time for the big question, what about 26? Well, I think 2019 is going to be the year of truly simple goals. I felt pressured by those three goals last time (I called them simple, ha!), and with a wedding coming up, I really can't take on too much else. So, I'm thinking small for this year. I'll make a separate post for that though. For now, I'm grateful to have achieved even two-thirds of my goals from last year. I'm proud but burnt out. A slice of cake and some well-deserved rest is in order!

-Dana.

Today, I turn 24 years-old. Today, I made some choices about my future.

For a long time now, I've been coasting. I'm not really pushing myself. I'm not striving to achieve anything. My chronic pain condition (see: Fibromyalgia) has really been holding me back. I can't work, I can barely sleep and I've really let myself go while trying desperately to maintain my pain levels. This stops today.

I've set myself some goals for the following year. These are targets that I've wanted to make progress towards for a long time. Things I've put off for years. I hope to achieve some or even all of these by my 25th birthday.

Before Age 25 I Want To:

• Lose Weight 
• Clear up my Acne
• Finish Writing a Full-length Novel

I have always heard that once you hit rock bottom, you can only go upwards. I took that to mean that when everything goes wrong and I have to start over, that I will eventually be able to bring good things back into my life. Effort would be required, as it always is, but I would still find happiness. I clung to this ideal when life got rough this year.

Then, on one of my darkest days, something surprising happened. A positive and optimistic presence entered my life. The tears stopped. The frustration melted away. The hurt faded. In time, all that was wrong finally started to become a memory. This good influence on my life gave me the strength to believe in hope again. I remembered what it was like to be honestly happy, and not wearing the facade of happiness while I juggled emotional hurt and general frustration with life below the surface.

I'm not saying the new presence caused my happiness, I do not need to rely on something or someone outside of myself to be happy. What happened was that positivity reminded me about all that is good in life and all the good I have to look forward to in my future. By coming to terms with whats happened and remembering I have more to do as I move forward, I was able to find peace with myself and ultimately find my own happiness again. Hello, personal joy, I missed you. I won't let negativity steal away my awesome optimism and internal contentment. It's a lot more fun this way.

Dana~

So job hunting is never an easy task. I mean, with my skills and experience I could enter a variety of fields... It's just that my resume competes with 2000 others every time. Too few jobs here for way too many job seekers. So after almost a year and a half without steady work, I decided to step my game up. Time to learn a new language!

As a writer and professional communicator, second languages are always a bonus on your resume. Especially since I live and hope to work in Canada, where we have a diverse population and businesses that must communicate on an international level. While I have always had a particular interest in other cultures and I've pick up a few words in Japanese, Korean, Russian and Spanish from my reading addiction...I am not fluent in anything other than English. Like most Canadians though, I studied French in school. I wish I had kept it up, but the skills I did keep allow me to read most French writing and understand the concepts. I figured that was my best bet to learn a second language since I already had a fairly good grasp of the basics.

Next I had to decide on how I wanted to learn. Should I pursue a university degree in French? Should I hire a private tutor? Should I move to France and immerse myself in the language? Well, all of those were great ideas and sounded like wonderful learning experiences...However, I am broke. First of all, student loans aren't a good idea considering I can't guarantee repayment after I graduate. As for private tutors, they charge high fees for each individual lesson. Finally, a second move abroad is not only expensive up front, but dangerous as I have no connections or people to stay with over there. With all my French fantasies quashed, I had to look elsewhere for a solution.

After hours of research, I happened to discover adult education courses. They ran at a community college in the city at night and didn't use a regular grading scale so I could learn at my own pace. They also had a low one time fee that I could afford. Each course came with a certificate of completion as well. It's perfect. I start in a few days and I can't help it... I am practicing on my own now too. My conversation is clumsy but I have the passion and drive to improve. I will get this right and be able to put French working proficiency on my resume one day.

Dana~

Money doesn't grow on trees, especially when you're job hunting. So when I'm given a gift card or even a small bit of money, I save it like crazy. Okay, more like unhealthily hoarding it.

For example, I got a Steam gift card the other week. Now, I've wanted to purchase new games for ages to pass the time between writing job applications. There are so many good looking games out there. Unfortunately, I'm picky when it comes to my games and money nowadays. I only spend money on games with replay value. That's it. If I can't keep coming back to a game and enjoying a new experience, it isn't worth the money to me. Especially if it's over $15.

So when I got home and entered my code into my Steam account, I excitedly surfed the shop for something new to play. I referenced my wishlist and looked at all recommendations. I was even about to buy a few. Then that damn little voice in my head said, "Wait! You'll regret it."

"But how could I? It's got great reviews!" I contested.

My conscious was unwavering, "No, you'll be bored of it in a day. Forget it."

Thus, I didn't buy any games. It's always been like this. I save all my money for a day where I desperately need it, even though it's usually money I've been waiting to use for something specific. I remember saving my lunch money in college thinking there'd be a day when I really needed it to go out or something. This was despite the fact I was starving between classes all semester and that I never went out on the town anyways.

So the gift card sits unused and unloved. I still return to games I love with replay value. The Sims 3 is always a favourite and can be different each play through. I've also found myself a fan of Kitty Power's Matchmaker on Steam. The British humor and slang gives me waves of nostalgia.

Still, I wish I weren't so prudent and responsible with my money. It'd be nice to have fun for a change.

Dana~