Today, I turn 24 years-old. Today, I made some choices about my future.

For a long time now, I've been coasting. I'm not really pushing myself. I'm not striving to achieve anything. My chronic pain condition (see: Fibromyalgia) has really been holding me back. I can't work, I can barely sleep and I've really let myself go while trying desperately to maintain my pain levels. This stops today.

I've set myself some goals for the following year. These are targets that I've wanted to make progress towards for a long time. Things I've put off for years. I hope to achieve some or even all of these by my 25th birthday.

Before Age 25 I Want To:

• Lose Weight 
• Clear up my Acne
• Finish Writing a Full-length Novel

For almost 7 years, I have viewed the world the same way. After a certain point people started to question my choice. "How have you not changed your mind yet?" or "Don't you get tired of it?" The answer was always a resounding "No," to anyone who asked. Then, just a few weeks back my partner finally urged me to make the change.

"You know, it's really time to try something new. It's been years!"

I pouted. I pleaded. Then I plodded around all mopey. I didn't want to change. I liked everything the way it was already.

My partner booked the appointment and I nervously went along with it all. He was right, it was time to make a change, but that didn't make me feel any better. I was really anxious about it because this had been a part of who I was for so many years. Seeing a medical professional about it only made the situation feel heavier.

After the initial exam, I spent some time trying to pick what I wanted off a shelf of hundreds that all looked alike.

"This doesn't suit me. I'm not a 40's-something-business man."

"That works better for a child, not a grown woman."

"Why is there nothing that looks like mine? Has my opinion really fallen out of fashion?"

Finally, I decided on something that was almost the opposite of my old faithful style. It had some similarities to my current point of view, but it felt entirely different once I tried it on. At first, my reflection didn't look like me. The shadows it cast created new lines and hid old ones. I tried different angles, different lighting. It wouldn't be the same no matter how much I wanted it to be. There was no going back though, it was time. As we forked over several hundred dollars at the register, I tried to understand how on Earth I was going to adapt to this. I nervously chewed on my lip while we walked out of the shop. There was whole week I had to wait and stew over this choice before it was ready.

The days crawled by, and I felt more and more anxious. When the time finally came to retrieve it, I was a ball of nerves. Setting aside the old and replacing it with the new was certainly an experience. The face looking back at me was different, but after seven years, I was a different person. Maybe it was time to accept my growth and that way I have changed. I wasn't 17 anymore. I'm almost 24-years-old.

Hopefully, my new glasses reflect who I feel I've become.



"What was it like for you when you made a major change to your everyday look? Was it new glasses? A new haircut? How did it make you feel? Let me know in the comments down below!"

I have always heard that once you hit rock bottom, you can only go upwards. I took that to mean that when everything goes wrong and I have to start over, that I will eventually be able to bring good things back into my life. Effort would be required, as it always is, but I would still find happiness. I clung to this ideal when life got rough this year.

Then, on one of my darkest days, something surprising happened. A positive and optimistic presence entered my life. The tears stopped. The frustration melted away. The hurt faded. In time, all that was wrong finally started to become a memory. This good influence on my life gave me the strength to believe in hope again. I remembered what it was like to be honestly happy, and not wearing the facade of happiness while I juggled emotional hurt and general frustration with life below the surface.

I'm not saying the new presence caused my happiness, I do not need to rely on something or someone outside of myself to be happy. What happened was that positivity reminded me about all that is good in life and all the good I have to look forward to in my future. By coming to terms with whats happened and remembering I have more to do as I move forward, I was able to find peace with myself and ultimately find my own happiness again. Hello, personal joy, I missed you. I won't let negativity steal away my awesome optimism and internal contentment. It's a lot more fun this way.

Dana~