I have always heard that once you hit rock bottom, you can only go upwards. I took that to mean that when everything goes wrong and I have to start over, that I will eventually be able to bring good things back into my life. Effort would be required, as it always is, but I would still find happiness. I clung to this ideal when life got rough this year.

Then, on one of my darkest days, something surprising happened. A positive and optimistic presence entered my life. The tears stopped. The frustration melted away. The hurt faded. In time, all that was wrong finally started to become a memory. This good influence on my life gave me the strength to believe in hope again. I remembered what it was like to be honestly happy, and not wearing the facade of happiness while I juggled emotional hurt and general frustration with life below the surface.

I'm not saying the new presence caused my happiness, I do not need to rely on something or someone outside of myself to be happy. What happened was that positivity reminded me about all that is good in life and all the good I have to look forward to in my future. By coming to terms with whats happened and remembering I have more to do as I move forward, I was able to find peace with myself and ultimately find my own happiness again. Hello, personal joy, I missed you. I won't let negativity steal away my awesome optimism and internal contentment. It's a lot more fun this way.

Dana~

Living in the Lower Mainland for most of my life, I should be accustomed to walking around at night. I grew up in Surrey, right around Guildford Mall. The area was peaceful, but always known for gang activity. My family kept me indoors at night unless we went out together. But still, I was never afraid really. Late at night, I could walk from our house to the Mac's store three blocks away without being scared. It was a breeze to me.

In 2012, I moved to East Richmond so I could be close to my college and my parents closer to their work. I started using public transit alone for the first time to get to class every day. I was always hyper aware on transit, protecting my bag and keeping an eye on those around me. When my classes ran late and I had to take transit at night, I began to feel nervous. Thank goodness my college was right next to a SkyTrain station. The only worrisome part was waiting for the bus home from the SkyTrain station nearest to my neighbourhood. But it happened to be well-lit and often transit police hung around that station since it was such a popular stop.

Now that I'm taking French night classes in Vancouver though, I have to walk quite a few blocks to the SkyTrain long after dark. The people look different without daylight to reveal their features. I'm sure most of them aren't bad, but you can never tell a person's intentions especially in the dark. My route is not really well lit despite being in the downtown core. I walk by quite a few bars and their rowdy patrons too. I feel as if each passer-by gives me a strange look, their faces distorted by the shadows. My fears seep in and suddenly all those people who seemed normal in the day could be potential threats. Is it the darkness that creates these monsters? Is it my own mind? I know to be aware in general as anyone can be bad. They could steal your belongings or hurt you for the sake of it. Overall, though, I should not fear all people because you can't live like that. Besides, even though we all have the capacity for evil, I doubt the majority are any different from myself. Still, late at night on my way home, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck tingle. My stomach flip-flops and I hug my bag tighter. I guess I'm going to have to start walking with my keys between my fingers, just for peace of mind. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I was sure thankful one of my friends lives near by and is willing to take me part of the way home some nights. The shadows might be in my mind, illusions of the dark, but I would still prefer to be safe rather than sorry.

Dana~