So my dream of living abroad has come to an end. After much hesitation, I decided I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was sick all the time, jobless and stressed out. There was too much drama in my living situation that the normal stress of my poor health and my endless job hunt were amplified. So I packed my bags, apologized to my partner and flew home. I was uncertain where I stood with my partner. I told him I'd try to come back. But I don't know. I need to find myself and get well before any decisions are made.

For now I'm so happy to be home. I'm enjoying Canadian food that doesn't make me sick and spending time with my family. I get to retire to my own bed with it's soft memory foam mattress. Yes, I miss my partner, but I know I need this. My anxieties need to clear up and I must get my health back. I hated making this choice. However, my mood improvement already shows I chose correctly.

So, after only four months...My life abroad is over. Still, I learned a lot about myself and how to be independent. I can cook for myself and I'm comfortable doing so. I know how to shop efficiently and search out deals. I can manage all household chores and keep up with bills. This adventure has given me so many life skills. Better still, I found out what it was like to live with a partner for the first time as well as what it's like to live on very little money. I do not regret the move one iota.

Dana~

As the titled explains... I am getting discouraged. I have been applying left and right for work. Everyday, I'm putting myself out there as much as I possibly can. To be fair, I have gotten a lot of responses! In fact, the first day of using my new phone I had a phone interview for the perfect job. I was even offered the position while on the phone. We discussed everything and he said he would get it set up. Then the next day I received a rejection email. The interviewer had been so enthusiastic about hiring me on the phone... I was confused. I brushed it off as they found someone better.

Then the same thing happened the following week. And then again. And again. In four weeks, I've been turned down for countless jobs right after making it through the hiring process. According to each interviewer, I was personable and met all their criteria. What was I doing wrong?  Finally, I asked the last interviewer who rejected me why they had made the decision. What did I need to work on? She took a while to get back to me, but awkwardly explained that the company was nervous to hire someone on a visa. They preferred to hire nationals instead of foreigners.

That was odd. I had already explained that my visa allowed me to work and there would be no issues. I even said I would be willing to return to Canada and switch visas if they wanted me as a permanent hire. I had done my research and knew what the requirements were. Still, that was their reasoning. No foreign-nationals. During the interview, she figured I would be fine to hire and enthusiastically offered me the job anyways. But when she took it to her superiors... that's when I was rejected. They were anxious about hiring immigrants and didn't want to be painted in a poor light for not supporting jobs for UK citizens.

I felt horrible. I never knew it would be so hard to get a job. I thanked the interviewer for her candor and went back to applying. It's been a week since then and I'm losing more hope with every rejection. Am I not worthy because I'm Canadian?

Dana~

Disclaimer: The majority of this political essay was written around May 6th, 2015, one day prior to the UK General Election. I do not harbour any hard feelings against any of the parties or politicians mentioned below. Even if I disagree with someones views, I am thankful for everyone's participation in democracy.

Source: theglobeandmail.com

In the last eight or nine months, my interest in politics has been shaken. My beliefs in democracy doubted. My fear of the future made real. I just had to expand my horizons to find out what true politics were like. Back home in Canada, I've watched the federal Conservatives slowly peck away at the country I love. Taxes and tuition for those who aren't well off still cripple us financially, while big business booms and our beloved franchise is bought by the Americans. (Oh, and that's just for another big business tax break!) Our environmental policies and protected regions dwindled alongside a suffering minimum wage that can't support young people in cities where many homes cost over million dollars. However, I knew all these things would happen years ago, before I was even of voting age. Things in Canada never really seem to drastically change. Not suddenly, and not in a very large, sweeping manner.

That, right there, is my issue. I was never scared of Canadian politics. Even with all our problems and lacking solutions, politics aren't exactly life-shattering here. Canadian politics are a slow-going process. Big promises, little positive change. Our politicians are all the same, each one only slightly less evil than the next.

Picture manufactured charisma bots painted in red, orange and blue respectively, each with their little political dial turned a little more left or a little more right. Smile, now wave. Kiss the baby, promise tax cuts. Its all scripted. They are only bit different and yet fight each other tooth and nail over their dissimilarities. That's the fun part though. Cheering for your favourite, hoping their empty promises come true. (Blue throws coastguard cuts, Red ducks it and offers to reopen closed stations. Blue is wavering, but creates a scare-tactic security bill. Orange tosses a higher minimum wage and better hospital funding. Knock out!) All joking aside, I honestly, wholeheartedly, love Canadian politics despite its many faults.

Source: Amazon.com

Now that I've briefly changed locales though, swapped touqs for flat-caps, pants for trousers and chips for crisps, I see the world very differently. The United Kingdom's election has dissolved my love of political gambit. I knew European politics were different. I also knew the UK was not very European (Its equal to calling a Canadian American. Don't do it.). I just didn't realize how drastic the politics were across the pond.

Last summer, I visited the UK for the first time. I stayed with a lovely family, some of whom were communists. Not just by preference but actual active party members who run in local elections. Now don't be afraid, these people aren't the red scourge from the 50's. They are sweet, loving retired men and women who believe in proper unions, fairness for the working class and a minimum wage that keeps up with inflation. Sure, they call each other 'comrade' and have red flags portraying a hammer and sickle laying around, but they are still a harmless group of honest people. On the most part, they drink tea in our cottage's living room while they talk about a better future for their children. I never pictured communism in such a way, it was refreshing and eye-opening. But that wasn't the only new political exposure I received.

Source: telegraph.co.uk

I noticed odd purple signs sprouting up around the small Southern English town. They were emblazoned with bright yellow £ symbols and the acronym UKIP. I turned to my English partner as we walked by one of these signs, "What are those for?"

He sighed, tired of indulging my endless, naive questions about very common English objects, sayings and buildings. When he looked up to where I pointed, his exasperation with my curiosity vanished. "Now they've got signs up?! That's the UK Independence Party, they're focused on getting rid of all immigrants who are 'coming over here and taking our jobs'. They have no clue about the real world," my partner growled, scowling up at the cardboard signage.

I didn't believe him right away. I didn't understand that blatant racism could be so prevalent in a modern Western nation (This was before the race riots really erupted in the United States). That is until I saw a UKIP broadcast two weeks later. A member of UKIP was parading around an English town square with a famous Irishman. I wasn't really aware of either of the men myself, but I watched the scene unfold with intrigue. As they walked around handing out fliers, the Irishman spoke fondly of England. The UKIP member then looked into the camera before turning back to the famous Irishman and said something along the lines of, "So that's why you immigrants won't go back to Ireland, huh?"

I was stunned. The man knew he was on TV. He looked into the camera before he said it. What was more shocking was that the UKIP polls increased after that broadcast. Yes, increased. Reality hit me hard though when the real campaigning began this spring after my return to the UK. Immediately, I was bombarded with signs and campaigning. Even the usually laid back communists that I stayed with would go out every day to pass out leaflets. Everyone was trying so hard to be heard, everyone feared they would lose something if the wrong party were to win. I thought it was similar to Canadian politics until I realized the issues the new UK government was going to deal with would cause massive changes to not only the country but it's financial and social structure. It felt like an all or nothing election. I could see why everyone was trying so hard. They all felt that they were going to lose parts of their life that were genuinely important. It's not just a minimum wage hike and voting reform, it's health care and what puts food on their families tables.

Source: blueteg.com

There is a lot of truth to that sentiment. The NHS, one of the best medical systems in the world, is crippled by a lack of funding and the current rumored solution is to dismantle it all together in favour of privatization. The benefits system that many sick, disabled or unemployed individuals rely on is being slashed to ribbons, leaving the most vulnerable struggling to survive against inflation. Furthermore, despite current government claims, unemployment has not gotten any better under the zero hours contracts. Two million more people have jobs now but 1.8 million of them hardly receive any hours, let alone a pay check. There are a thousand more problems, just like every country in the world. Thus, even like Canada, the charisma bots are out and about, spouting their plans and policies to solve their country's problems.

What's terrifying is the changes and plans that are being presented. Massive benefit cuts, the loss of the NHS, and complete immigration reform. Some politicians threaten to cap immigration entirely, getting rid of valid and useful visa categories while costing companies millions of pounds when they have to wait years to fill their labour shortages. What's worrisome is each party was more extreme than the next. The changes put forward weren't little improvements but sweeping shifts of reform. Each party's view was also extreme, as demonstrated not only by their representatives but by their voters.

The pub owner down the street from our cottage was the worst and just an example of the many extreme views I have encountered. Late in the evenings, once anyone who wasn't obviously British had left the pub, the old owner would begin her rants to the drunken regulars at the bar. "All these Muslims," she would tout, "they're all terrorists." I choked on my soda as I listened in from behind a pillar. My partner's jaw hung open, but we kept quiet for a moment. "These immigrants are taking over," the old woman continued, "I left London because of all the blacks." This was a turning point for me. Never in my life had I heard such blatant racism. Such proper hate. My partner had a word with her immediately, but she used the straw man argument, "So you agree with all those innocent people being beheaded?" In our minds, she must have forgotten about the white man from South London conducting the beheadings. Suffice to say, we never returned despite it being our local pub.

Source: blogdailyherald.com

Soon, I will make the journey home to Canada. I try not to think about a party so obviously bad or sweeping changes that wouldn't just affect one social class but all of them. I also do my best not to assume the worst of the British people. Most people I know in the UK are welcoming, approve of immigration and treat everyone equally. Our own election looms this autumn, and while I've never feared Canadian politics before, I will definitely take a more critical eye to the platforms. Maybe I was naive about it all, maybe I'm just not seeing the bigger picture back home because I'm in the thick of it. At least I can munch on all-dressed potato chips while I try to grasp Canada's political outlook. UK politics left a bad taste in my mouth.

Dana~

I did it. I live in the UK now. Part of me thinks this is unreal. The other part of me is full of excitement and is jumping for joy. Living abroad is a dream I have that finally came true. The travel was a pain, but after nine hours in the air and five hours riding a National Express coach to the South of England, I finally arrived in my new temporary home. There wasn't much to see on the way, mostly empty fields and sheep. Lots of sheep. But I love sheep, so no real problem. My partner met me at the bus station and we took my luggage back up to the cottage. It has been such a long day I don't think I can explain much more in any coherent way.

I'm settling in and counting all the different things I have to be excited about. New plans to make and a new future to create. I'm excited beyond belief! (Have I said the word excited enough in this post?) For now, I'm too tired to cook and we ordered our favourite Chinese takeaway. I must try to nail down all the slang so I fit in a little better. I still get looks for my North American accent, but my Canadian flag pin should help me be rid of those.

Tomorrow is a new day, the start of a new life in a new country. I just hope I don't forget my old life too much. I'm not leaving Canada nor my family behind forever...

Dana~