What on earth am I supposed to do with myself?

I'm asking honestly here. My partner and I haven't been apart for more than three days prior to this and him being gone six days for a conference seems like an eternity. We aren't very co-dependent, we tend to do our own things, but generally we're just around each other or in the same space when we're both home. My schedule also tends to revolve around his since I don't work much due to my illness. I go to bed when he goes to bed, I wake up when he wakes up (maybe I go back to sleep after, but he's like my first alarm for the day. I know it's morning when he's up and moving.), and I plan to eat/make dinner around when he gets home from work. While I'm super excited that he gets to go abroad for this conference (all the way to Sweden no less!), I'm also a bit beside myself as I have no idea what this next week is going to look like.

Kissing him goodbye this morning was surreal and I felt nervous. I'm going to miss him and worry about him like crazy, but this is something I should get used to doing. He may have to go on more business trips as time goes on. For now, I'll just settle in and do things on...my schedule? Ugh, that sounds weird. I'll just keep busy by watching dramas I need to catch up on and working on my partner's crafty Christmas present.

And yes, Netflix, I'm still awake. Please play the next episode, I'm trying to see how many it takes until this week is over.

Dana~


"Have you ever struggled being apart from your significant other? Do you like it when they go away on business/personal trips? Do you go with them every time they travel? Leave me a comment below!"

I know I'm a little old to be moving out for the first time, (and if you count my time in England, this is actually my second move) but I feel like everything's going to change and I'm both excited and a little scared.

I can totally do this. Paying bills, grocery shopping by myself and all that jazz isn't a problem; I've done that. The packing and moving of furniture, with the help of friends and family, also isn't the hard part. I think leaving my parents home for, what I assume will be, good is a bit scary. I love them to death, and being apart from them while abroad was really hard. They are my support system and I worry about them a lot. Coming downstairs to tell my parents something new I learned or to discuss the news I just read was something I really enjoyed. Dinners where we all sat down and watched a movie on demand or holidays where we decorated to the nines are some of my best memories. The thought of giving that up hurts.

To be fair though, I'm not giving it all up really. I still get to see my parents a couple times a week as we're only a half-hour's drive apart. I can call and talk to them whenever as well. We can go over to each other's house for coffee and tea. We can still visit for holidays. Somewhere deep down though, I know it won't be the same. However, that's okay. I'm moving on into a new chapter in my life. I'm moving in with my partner and a group of friends closer to the city than I've ever been. The SkyTrain is almost on my doorstep and I can now do things my way instead of the method my family prefers. There's a lot more freedom in this new chapter and with it comes more opportunities for discovering new quirks about myself. I get to grow and develop in new directions that I never even considered.

This will be a good change for me, but I'll still always miss and be grateful to my Mom and Dad.

Baking, shopping, wrapping, decorating...Job hunting?

It's never a positive thing when someone rejects you. It may not even be a personal thing, but it sure does feel like it. The gut-wrenching agony of knowing your best just isn't good enough. It's a dreadful feeling to be told you aren't wanted, even in the politest of terms it's down right awful. Unfortunately, it has to happen over and over again.

Job hunting isn't easy. Not in this economy, not in this city even. Competition is fierce and money is always running short. Few companies are willing to train anyone, so they demand entry level applicants already have experience. That way they don't have to waste money on training. Unfortunately, it blocks a lot of young people from getting hired and starting their careers. No one gives us a chance because it's too much money and too much risk. I try not to blame employers, they have businesses to run. It's hard not to cast blame though, when I look at my very empty bank account and try to find something to keep myself occupied while I wait for the next phone call. Sometimes it's weeks or months before I get another. Sometimes they'll have me trek all the way into the city for an interview, paying peak transit fares, only to never call me back not even to reject me. I spend money to see these people, and they don't even have the courtesy to send a template email saying they were sorry. They can't be bothered.

I get it, life and business are a flurry of things to do and people to see. I'd like to help and be a part of that world. So I'll smile and do my best to make an amazing impression. When, or if, they call me to say I didn't get the job I'm still in professional mode. I greet them warmly, respond positively and act as graciously as humanly possible. It's only decent and I want to present my most professional self even in a difficult moment. So when someone tells me over the phone that I'm not good enough, that they found someone better, I thank them kindly. I wish them and their business well while offering my gratitude for even the tiny chance at a job. It's unfortunate, but now in these tough times I'm grateful for even a polite rejection.

Living in the Lower Mainland for most of my life, I should be accustomed to walking around at night. I grew up in Surrey, right around Guildford Mall. The area was peaceful, but always known for gang activity. My family kept me indoors at night unless we went out together. But still, I was never afraid really. Late at night, I could walk from our house to the Mac's store three blocks away without being scared. It was a breeze to me.

In 2012, I moved to East Richmond so I could be close to my college and my parents closer to their work. I started using public transit alone for the first time to get to class every day. I was always hyper aware on transit, protecting my bag and keeping an eye on those around me. When my classes ran late and I had to take transit at night, I began to feel nervous. Thank goodness my college was right next to a SkyTrain station. The only worrisome part was waiting for the bus home from the SkyTrain station nearest to my neighbourhood. But it happened to be well-lit and often transit police hung around that station since it was such a popular stop.

Now that I'm taking French night classes in Vancouver though, I have to walk quite a few blocks to the SkyTrain long after dark. The people look different without daylight to reveal their features. I'm sure most of them aren't bad, but you can never tell a person's intentions especially in the dark. My route is not really well lit despite being in the downtown core. I walk by quite a few bars and their rowdy patrons too. I feel as if each passer-by gives me a strange look, their faces distorted by the shadows. My fears seep in and suddenly all those people who seemed normal in the day could be potential threats. Is it the darkness that creates these monsters? Is it my own mind? I know to be aware in general as anyone can be bad. They could steal your belongings or hurt you for the sake of it. Overall, though, I should not fear all people because you can't live like that. Besides, even though we all have the capacity for evil, I doubt the majority are any different from myself. Still, late at night on my way home, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck tingle. My stomach flip-flops and I hug my bag tighter. I guess I'm going to have to start walking with my keys between my fingers, just for peace of mind. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I was sure thankful one of my friends lives near by and is willing to take me part of the way home some nights. The shadows might be in my mind, illusions of the dark, but I would still prefer to be safe rather than sorry.

Dana~