Life in the UK isn't as awesome as I had hoped. Things with my partner are tense to say the least...His family drama has pushed me to the edge and put him into a miserable place. Nothing I do snaps him out of it.  Worse still, I haven't found work and I'm really worried about our money situation. Also, I realized no matter how careful I am, the food here keeps causing IBS flare ups. I'm in agony all the time and I've lost 30lbs because I can barely eat. I miss home everyday. I miss my family.

The stress pushed me too far the other day. I broke down. I found myself wandering aimlessly in town again and I couldn't take the pressure anymore. I was at my worst when this was supposed to be a great time in my life. So I reached out to a charity counselling group. They set me up with a support worker and a counselor. Meeting the support worker helped me right away. I felt more confident and less trapped in my own head. She gave me support and tough love, both of which I desperately needed. She also gave me more resources to look after myself. I left the meeting with pamphlets, notes and a new outlook. I knew things weren't going to be amazing, but maybe I could pull myself out of this funk.

I have my first appointment with the counselor next week. I picked a male counselor because I thought he could give me a better point of view on how my boyfriend was feeling. I wanted to be objective about everything and fair to his position. Fingers crossed this helps me sort out my anxieties.

Dana~

Well, despite being really down about my job hunt... I found a way to feel better. My partner, his older brother and I all went on a trip this week! It was a day trip, but being out and seeing the sights was a refreshing change. It was all very impromptu. His brother picked us up and drove us to Lynton & Lynmouth. Gosh, was it just a gorgeous sight! I adored it there. So much to see and so much history to soak up. I wish we could afford to go out like this more often.

The view from the Lynton & Lynmouth tram

Essentially, they are two towns, one down by the ocean and the other on top of a ginormous hill. There's a little tram to take up the hill to get between the towns. The ocean view across to Wales was breath-taking too, and it was really cool to see another country off in the distance. Reminds me of looking across the water in White Rock and seeing Washington State. But Wales looks so much nicer from here. Maybe I'm wearing rose-coloured glasses still, but I really needed this day out.

Dana~

As the titled explains... I am getting discouraged. I have been applying left and right for work. Everyday, I'm putting myself out there as much as I possibly can. To be fair, I have gotten a lot of responses! In fact, the first day of using my new phone I had a phone interview for the perfect job. I was even offered the position while on the phone. We discussed everything and he said he would get it set up. Then the next day I received a rejection email. The interviewer had been so enthusiastic about hiring me on the phone... I was confused. I brushed it off as they found someone better.

Then the same thing happened the following week. And then again. And again. In four weeks, I've been turned down for countless jobs right after making it through the hiring process. According to each interviewer, I was personable and met all their criteria. What was I doing wrong?  Finally, I asked the last interviewer who rejected me why they had made the decision. What did I need to work on? She took a while to get back to me, but awkwardly explained that the company was nervous to hire someone on a visa. They preferred to hire nationals instead of foreigners.

That was odd. I had already explained that my visa allowed me to work and there would be no issues. I even said I would be willing to return to Canada and switch visas if they wanted me as a permanent hire. I had done my research and knew what the requirements were. Still, that was their reasoning. No foreign-nationals. During the interview, she figured I would be fine to hire and enthusiastically offered me the job anyways. But when she took it to her superiors... that's when I was rejected. They were anxious about hiring immigrants and didn't want to be painted in a poor light for not supporting jobs for UK citizens.

I felt horrible. I never knew it would be so hard to get a job. I thanked the interviewer for her candor and went back to applying. It's been a week since then and I'm losing more hope with every rejection. Am I not worthy because I'm Canadian?

Dana~

Disclaimer: The majority of this political essay was written around May 6th, 2015, one day prior to the UK General Election. I do not harbour any hard feelings against any of the parties or politicians mentioned below. Even if I disagree with someones views, I am thankful for everyone's participation in democracy.

Source: theglobeandmail.com

In the last eight or nine months, my interest in politics has been shaken. My beliefs in democracy doubted. My fear of the future made real. I just had to expand my horizons to find out what true politics were like. Back home in Canada, I've watched the federal Conservatives slowly peck away at the country I love. Taxes and tuition for those who aren't well off still cripple us financially, while big business booms and our beloved franchise is bought by the Americans. (Oh, and that's just for another big business tax break!) Our environmental policies and protected regions dwindled alongside a suffering minimum wage that can't support young people in cities where many homes cost over million dollars. However, I knew all these things would happen years ago, before I was even of voting age. Things in Canada never really seem to drastically change. Not suddenly, and not in a very large, sweeping manner.

That, right there, is my issue. I was never scared of Canadian politics. Even with all our problems and lacking solutions, politics aren't exactly life-shattering here. Canadian politics are a slow-going process. Big promises, little positive change. Our politicians are all the same, each one only slightly less evil than the next.

Picture manufactured charisma bots painted in red, orange and blue respectively, each with their little political dial turned a little more left or a little more right. Smile, now wave. Kiss the baby, promise tax cuts. Its all scripted. They are only bit different and yet fight each other tooth and nail over their dissimilarities. That's the fun part though. Cheering for your favourite, hoping their empty promises come true. (Blue throws coastguard cuts, Red ducks it and offers to reopen closed stations. Blue is wavering, but creates a scare-tactic security bill. Orange tosses a higher minimum wage and better hospital funding. Knock out!) All joking aside, I honestly, wholeheartedly, love Canadian politics despite its many faults.

Source: Amazon.com

Now that I've briefly changed locales though, swapped touqs for flat-caps, pants for trousers and chips for crisps, I see the world very differently. The United Kingdom's election has dissolved my love of political gambit. I knew European politics were different. I also knew the UK was not very European (Its equal to calling a Canadian American. Don't do it.). I just didn't realize how drastic the politics were across the pond.

Last summer, I visited the UK for the first time. I stayed with a lovely family, some of whom were communists. Not just by preference but actual active party members who run in local elections. Now don't be afraid, these people aren't the red scourge from the 50's. They are sweet, loving retired men and women who believe in proper unions, fairness for the working class and a minimum wage that keeps up with inflation. Sure, they call each other 'comrade' and have red flags portraying a hammer and sickle laying around, but they are still a harmless group of honest people. On the most part, they drink tea in our cottage's living room while they talk about a better future for their children. I never pictured communism in such a way, it was refreshing and eye-opening. But that wasn't the only new political exposure I received.

Source: telegraph.co.uk

I noticed odd purple signs sprouting up around the small Southern English town. They were emblazoned with bright yellow £ symbols and the acronym UKIP. I turned to my English partner as we walked by one of these signs, "What are those for?"

He sighed, tired of indulging my endless, naive questions about very common English objects, sayings and buildings. When he looked up to where I pointed, his exasperation with my curiosity vanished. "Now they've got signs up?! That's the UK Independence Party, they're focused on getting rid of all immigrants who are 'coming over here and taking our jobs'. They have no clue about the real world," my partner growled, scowling up at the cardboard signage.

I didn't believe him right away. I didn't understand that blatant racism could be so prevalent in a modern Western nation (This was before the race riots really erupted in the United States). That is until I saw a UKIP broadcast two weeks later. A member of UKIP was parading around an English town square with a famous Irishman. I wasn't really aware of either of the men myself, but I watched the scene unfold with intrigue. As they walked around handing out fliers, the Irishman spoke fondly of England. The UKIP member then looked into the camera before turning back to the famous Irishman and said something along the lines of, "So that's why you immigrants won't go back to Ireland, huh?"

I was stunned. The man knew he was on TV. He looked into the camera before he said it. What was more shocking was that the UKIP polls increased after that broadcast. Yes, increased. Reality hit me hard though when the real campaigning began this spring after my return to the UK. Immediately, I was bombarded with signs and campaigning. Even the usually laid back communists that I stayed with would go out every day to pass out leaflets. Everyone was trying so hard to be heard, everyone feared they would lose something if the wrong party were to win. I thought it was similar to Canadian politics until I realized the issues the new UK government was going to deal with would cause massive changes to not only the country but it's financial and social structure. It felt like an all or nothing election. I could see why everyone was trying so hard. They all felt that they were going to lose parts of their life that were genuinely important. It's not just a minimum wage hike and voting reform, it's health care and what puts food on their families tables.

Source: blueteg.com

There is a lot of truth to that sentiment. The NHS, one of the best medical systems in the world, is crippled by a lack of funding and the current rumored solution is to dismantle it all together in favour of privatization. The benefits system that many sick, disabled or unemployed individuals rely on is being slashed to ribbons, leaving the most vulnerable struggling to survive against inflation. Furthermore, despite current government claims, unemployment has not gotten any better under the zero hours contracts. Two million more people have jobs now but 1.8 million of them hardly receive any hours, let alone a pay check. There are a thousand more problems, just like every country in the world. Thus, even like Canada, the charisma bots are out and about, spouting their plans and policies to solve their country's problems.

What's terrifying is the changes and plans that are being presented. Massive benefit cuts, the loss of the NHS, and complete immigration reform. Some politicians threaten to cap immigration entirely, getting rid of valid and useful visa categories while costing companies millions of pounds when they have to wait years to fill their labour shortages. What's worrisome is each party was more extreme than the next. The changes put forward weren't little improvements but sweeping shifts of reform. Each party's view was also extreme, as demonstrated not only by their representatives but by their voters.

The pub owner down the street from our cottage was the worst and just an example of the many extreme views I have encountered. Late in the evenings, once anyone who wasn't obviously British had left the pub, the old owner would begin her rants to the drunken regulars at the bar. "All these Muslims," she would tout, "they're all terrorists." I choked on my soda as I listened in from behind a pillar. My partner's jaw hung open, but we kept quiet for a moment. "These immigrants are taking over," the old woman continued, "I left London because of all the blacks." This was a turning point for me. Never in my life had I heard such blatant racism. Such proper hate. My partner had a word with her immediately, but she used the straw man argument, "So you agree with all those innocent people being beheaded?" In our minds, she must have forgotten about the white man from South London conducting the beheadings. Suffice to say, we never returned despite it being our local pub.

Source: blogdailyherald.com

Soon, I will make the journey home to Canada. I try not to think about a party so obviously bad or sweeping changes that wouldn't just affect one social class but all of them. I also do my best not to assume the worst of the British people. Most people I know in the UK are welcoming, approve of immigration and treat everyone equally. Our own election looms this autumn, and while I've never feared Canadian politics before, I will definitely take a more critical eye to the platforms. Maybe I was naive about it all, maybe I'm just not seeing the bigger picture back home because I'm in the thick of it. At least I can munch on all-dressed potato chips while I try to grasp Canada's political outlook. UK politics left a bad taste in my mouth.

Dana~

Shopping in the UK is a little different from back home. Shops tend to close around 5 p.m. during the week, or promptly at 4 p.m. on Sundays. For someone who shops at Walmart around 9 p.m any day of the week, this was like living in the twilight zone. Most days, it was extremely frustrating. I'm not usually decent enough to go out by 2 p.m., let alone get two weeks worth of groceries before 4 p.m. The few days I attempted this I felt like death afterwards for all the rushing around and carrying heavy bags the whole way through town.

My new cellphone came today! It's an Alcatel phone with a QWERTY keyboard. I love proper physical keyboards on phones. I haven't had one in forever. Two of my favourite phones had them: my orange LG Rumor and my HTC Desire Z. Now that I upgraded my Canadian phone last year to a Google Nexus 5, I miss my QWERTY keyboard for typing. So this little pink phone makes me very happy. Texting will be a breeze.

My sim card came in the mail a few days ago. I popped it into my phone right away and activated it online. My pink phone is ALIVE! Muwahahaha. Now I'm off to apply for jobs and continue forward with my plans for living in the UK for the next couple years. Having a cellphone really solidifies it for me. I have a UK number attached to my name... I really am living here.

Dana~

I began my job hunt the other day and realized I was missing one very important thing. A UK phone number. I couldn't exactly give them my boyfriend's cell number, he rarely checks his phone and I don't want to miss an opportunity. So I came to the decision of purchasing a basic cellphone so I could apply for work. It also would come in handy if my partner or friends needed to contact me when I'm out and about. Especially since I find myself wandering through town aimlessly nowadays. It is quite beautiful and I adore the historical buildings.

Anyways, I explained my position to my partner who agreed and said I should look for a good company. He wanted to switch to a new plan since his company was gouging him every month. Thus I set out to visit the phone shops on the High Street the following day. I stopped at all of them and discussed phone plans. They all were really expensive for what I wanted. Also everyone kept trying to sell me on a smartphone when all I needed was a basic phone for texting and phone calls.

 Eventually, I met my partner at his brother's house both tired and frustrated that I had not found a solution to my cellphone problem. My partner corrected my English, reminding me that they were called mobiles here. As I was about to tell him I didn't care, the fiance of my partner's brother spoke up. She told me about her phone plan and how if I purchased a cheap phone from Amazon, I could sign up with giffgaff. Everything was done online and you could order a free sim card right away. They even had a plan which included everything I needed for only a few quid a month.

It sounded too good to be true, but I spent the rest of the afternoon looking it up. She had been right. Even better, once we switched my partner over, texting between us was free! I ordered the sim cards that night and began searching for my new phone on Amazon. Hopefully I'll be hooked up with my new "mobile" number soon!

Dana~